Maybe I'm The Normal One ... Finally
Tuesday, December 1, 2009 at 8:05PM
so a mostly good, but slightly bad realization has been had by me just now, which is even though I appear crazy/weird/strange/queer and even gay to most people ... the reality of the situation is I am much more "normal" than most the people walking this earth, who somehow have the privilege to be considered normal, when they are so far from it, it is not even funny. The reality is they live miserable fucked up fake lives, but hell that is another issue I do not have time to get into.
Anyway back to me, honestly considering I solved some other real issues I used to have (that I guess would not make me "normal"), such issues that I could only discuss with my mom, sister or friend Kate, but whatever.
Yes anyway since those no longer exist, the reality of my situation despite how it appears to the outside world (and people very much inside my own world) is that the only real issue I have, and it is a huge issue, and I would definitely say it qualifies as EXTREMELY NOT "NORMAL"
is that I honestly have a serious disability/disorder where I can not, fucking no joke, can not talk to any woman I have more than a hmm like 70% interest in. That my friends is not normal, and the only time I was able to overcome that issue is when I talk to them b/c I have to at my job, b/c they are buying something. But otherwise I seriously can not talk to most women, and it is very, very depressing as one might imagine. But honestly IDK how to solve it, and I would love to know what it is like to be "normal" and just be able to go up to a girl and start talking about whatever, and that turns into a date, and so on, but hell anything above hello literally starts freaking me the fuck out, and what the fuck is the point of getting a phone # if I will probably never call, and if I do call, I would sound like a bumbling fool. As lame as it is, I really do just prefer to contact women via Facebook, or txt messaging, and haha well we all know that is just wrong, not how it is done, but it is about the only way I can get any words out.
IDK where I am going with this, but I just wanted to share it with the world, b/c again for the most part this is a very happy realization, b/c honestly coming from someone who can really step outside themselves, and see the whole picture, at this time in my life, I honestly can say and truly believe nothing else is wrong with me in any way (besides the ADHD and OCD, which I am not counting, LOL) that makes me not "normal" and makes it so I should be considered weird/strange/queer/crazy/gay
All those things are part of who I am, part of my awesome personality, and what I think adds to making me more normal than the rest of these fucking stiffs out there.
Believe me I see why people think I am gay, I like many things women are into, I know a lot of stuff that women know (or gay men) ... this list could go on forever, and haha to top it all off my inability to talk to women really does not help the issue at all
but again even something like that I feel makes me just a cooler person, the fact that I do know about so many things out there, and have/take interests in home decor/gardening, murano glass, fenton glass, art (LOVE/adore 60% of all art in existence, just sucks that I could never make any), beauty stuff (mostly for other girls, but shit do I care a hell of a lot about my own hair, not that one could ever tell, also most the time I love taking care of my skin), cooking, wine, cleaning, baking, appletinis (and other girly drinks), LOL broadway, tina turner, mariah carey, haha you get the idea
I get bullshit from everyone, but now more than ever I realize how stupid they all look, IDK, I am beyond thrilled to be who I am, and I seriously mean that, and well most people can not honestly say that at all, so for that I am very happy and grateful
that said, that one issue is almost unbearable to live with, but considering hmm when I was probably between 12 to 17 years old I must have had like 30 pretty bad issues, having only 1 now is well pretty incredible
but fuck it is really killing me in so many ways, and even with that depressing pain, I am still at the happiest and healthiest point I have ever been in my entire life
OK well that is all I guess ;-D
Reader Comments (1)
Your website is awesome!
I must comment on your blog. Know this, you're at a great advantage in life right where you are, first, because you're honest about who you are and where you're at, and, second, even if you feel a degree of angst, you won't rush yourself into being someone you're not! That's the kindest thing you can do for yourself.
Keep your sense of humor and shrug off anybody who tosses labels around or judges you. They're not having as much fun as they appear and secretly admire you for your strength, integrity and autonomy. You're a leader, not a follower and all the things you wish for will happen in due course.