1. Electric Guitar
2. Saxophone (very close to #1)
3. Trumpet
4. Piano
5. Drums
6. Acoustic Guitar
7. Violin
8. Clarinet
9. French Horn
10. Flute
]]>This list is not in order yet, nor is it complete, eventually it will be in order and complete, but this is just a really rough draft, and it is possible over time before the final version more people will be added. Not everyone has commentary, eventually everyone will, and haha some of the commentary will become more intelligent over time too. And finally the final draft of this will have the names being a different color than the commentary on the person.
ATM I do not have the time/energy to stress the really, really important people, but I wish I did, b/c IDK I would hope it would say something about me, haha something good, but either way here's my list ...
1. Veronica Belmont (OMG! if you don't know now, you will never know! block can suck it! I guess this is just something that can't be explained, she can not be explained, and my draw to her can't be explained. Also yea she is certainly #1 on my list. I would give almost anything to meet her, not sure what happens once I do, but holy shit!)
diana agron (I must know for certain if she is human or an angel, haha lame, but half serious here, never seen any woman light up as much as she does, even through the fuckin' TV she gives off the most amazing vibe ever! yea call me insane if you wish, but I know what I am talking about! that said I would hate for this to all be ruined in person, but I hardly doubt it would be, unless of course I stared at her too intensely and perhaps drooled all over her as well, but otherwise my bet is that it would go really well)
danica mckellar (if you know anything about her at all, then well yea that pretty much says everything, and if you don't, shame on you, and go get learned!)
gordon ramsey (umm I do not have the words right now, but DAMN! he is certainly not a bastard as he is depicted in quick commercials for his shows, that said he did cheat on his wife and I will never get over that, but still he tops my list of people to meet, easily top 10, perhaps even 5)
katy perry (and then I wish to hug her all day long, preferably with my clothes off, but I will take what I can get, OMG she is like the perfect medicine, she is vicodin in human form, and OMG do I wish to swallow her! ;-)
david wright (man crush? haha but yea I don't need a reason! he's a lovely man =)
ellen degeneres (just seeing her brings me joy, but her comedy is amazing, and like IDK, I just love this woman, top 10 as well for people I wish to meet!)
Alica Keys (brilliant woman, brilliant artist)
kevin rose (again! and I need alone time with the man, LMFAO, not for those reasons, eeewww, although a longer hug would be great, hmm yea I mean come on this guy is like so much to me, him and leo, but more so him b/c he was near my age, he is 50% of the reason I got into tech, leo another 25% and my cousin the other 25%)
stephanie chu (again! but this time like IDK I wish I could converse with her and hug her and OMG, you have no clue!)
cassie steele (she wouldn't like me, but I still wish to sleep in a sleeping bag with her!)
jason calicanis (say what you will about the guy, but he is brilliant, and has been an inspiration to me, there was a time I hated his guts too, but I am over that, still disagree with some of his umm words/practices, but overall I truly respect and admire him)
JLH (she is sort of losing her hottness, but damn I have always felt so umm I suppose close to her)
mandy moore (omg do I love this woman!)
Leo Laporte (wow that would be an honor! he means so much to me, I have 1 issue with him, no 2, but I suppose this is not the place for airing those issues)
patrick norton
donald trump (call me stupid/crazy, IDC, I like the bastard!)
Jessica Alba (while I would most certainly die, there are so many reasons to meet her besides touching extreme hotness ... being serious)
emmy rossum (although almost not good enough to be in her presense)
bill gates (eh, haha)
steve frickin' jobs (wow what a love/hate relationship I have with him, and haha boy would he hate my guts, but the guy, although maybe a little crazy, is frickin' brilliant, in so many ways. I have soooooo much respect for him!)
alton brown (hello food frickin' genius!)
will smith (perhaps my all time favorite actor, IDK)
harry connick jr. (just seems like a frickin' incredible human being, super awesome, nice, and talented, and helpful and if he is anything close to the light I see him in, I would be honored to meet him in person!)
craig ferguson (simply put anyone who makes me laugh like he does is worth meeting IMO, but honestly the fact he is so comfortable saying & doing the shit he does, well I actually find it admirable as well)
dane cook (while he needs more material, he is pretty damn cool w/ most his fans & he thinks like me, so yea)
kevin smith (this would either go really well, or really bad, as people, what we both think and do, hmm like so agreeable and disagreeable on such extremes it is crazy, but surely he is an incredibly interesting man)
barack obama (ask me why in 7 more years, perhaps 12, but yea only president I wish to meet, perhaps only to force him to read books to me, haha or perhaps not)
morgan webb (sob b4 I die please, just think about it, haha OMG I met morgan webb, just to be able to say that, her and her stupid husband, arrrggg, anyway I will meet her whenever, but b4 she loses all her looks would be cool too)
alison haislip (God is she fun! LMAO ;-)
Nikole Zivalich (idk possibly we would be like best friends, or perhaps not, I feel like I have known her way before The Game Show {seriously where the hell is she from?} and I love that she is strongly opinionated, hmm IDK confusing woman)
terri hatcher (well she was my first celeb crush ever I believe, that is reason enough for me)
danny devito
john travolta
michael dell (so I can shake his hand, and then scream at him, and then ask him 4000 questions)
robin williams
vince vaughn (although IDK, he hates technology/computers for one thing, IDK how this would actually go, but I just think there is almost no-one better (as far as men go) to watch on screen in a movie, except michael cera and will smith)
carrie underwood
roger chang (interest man, would love to pick his brain for hours)
molly wood (of all women in tech, if we put looks aside and other things that may influence me, than perhaps of the more famous women in tech she is my favorite and the smartest out there. the way she thinks and breaks things down is just brilliant, and sometimes hilarious. She sees shit how it should be seen, calls it like it is, and sooooo much respect for her. If I was looking for a woman in tech opinion about something, I would be a moron not to go to her first)
tom merrit
emma watson
gwen stefani (b/c she is a super creative type & mind and during the no doubt years her as a person & artist in the true meaning of the word, just blew me away)
rachael ray (I have loved this woman for so long, but lately confused about her, but still would love to meet her)
rachel bilson (fucking BILSON! hello)
rachel mcadams (one of the most gorgeous human beings ever, and hmm yea I just have to know her real personality, I would guess it is amazing! but I suppose one could never know for sure, but this is why I must meet her)
dan trachenberg (lalalala he acts and thinks like me sometimes, he is a super Jew, and he's a super geek, and hmm, yea OMG I would hang with him forever! and that is coming from a guy who dislikes 99% of men!)
jeff cannata (well nothing to fascinating about this man, sorry, but I respect him so much as he is the brains and glue of the entire The Totally Rad Show, & while I suppose that is argueable, I umm know I am correct in that statement, so yea how could I not wish to meet him)
michele trachenberg (she seems super cool, and like a fun time)
mariah carey (not sure how this would go, but yea I suppose I really would want to shake her hand if I had the chance)
celine dion (eh wish she wasn't so weird, but OMG her music, IDK, either way it would be an honor)
barbra streisand (insane talent must be met!)
conan obrien
evangiline lily (omg is this like the coolest woman ever! one of the few women on this list that I wish to be glued to, and haha not entirely for sexual reasons, in fact very little for sexual reasons with silly lily, and that says a lot considering how good looking she is)
amanda bynes (been obsessed with her forever, in her much later years she has become even more interesting/fascinating, would love to hang out with her for at least an entire day)
Matt Damon (haha soooooo many reasons I wish to meet him, won't get into them, but I will say I am his biggest male fan for I am the only person out there not under appreciating him, LMFAO)
lea michele (although she would probably eat me alive, wait nothing bad about that, but honestly not sure how this would go, but I am so drawn to everything about her, so fucking talented and interesting. but if she is a bitch or was a bitch to me, OMG my heart would break, so just fear meeting her as well, it would be like finding out Santa is not real)
Luria Petrucci aka Cali Lewis
Martin Scorsese (OMG do I love this man, seen a few of his movies, like 5 perhaps, and loved them of course, but forget his movies, this is really about him as a person, what he believes, what he has done, how he thinks, OMG just love him, would be an honor for like 400 different reasons)
Robert De Niro
steven spielberg (I have many thoughts about this man, but ATM can't share them)
josh groban
eminem (I feel as if I have to justify this, but IDK if I have the words to)
tom green (wow I sort of grew up with him, sometimes, not all the time he thinks like I do, he has made me laugh so much, and while he is super fucked up and strange, I really do have respect for him for some odd reason. That respect grew more when I saw how real of a person he was when he was setting up his own TV station from his house online, and would connect with the chat room to ask for advice/help and to just literally chat with people, it was a really awesome experience. HAHA he has done a few things I disagree with, but yea overall IDK there is just a place in my mind & heart for this man, as crazy as that is)
emma roberts
Scott Johnson
Neha Tiwari
Adam Sessler
chris hardwick
nikki reed (gorgeous brilliant fucking {Jewish, haha} woman!)
alyson hannigan (brings me joy, seems like she would be super cool IRL)
Jim Parsons (anyone who plays a character so fucking well, brilliantly, well I just have to meet to see if said person IRL is even close to being as hmm amazing as said character, if even in different ways)
kevin pereria (hello cable's television darling, but hmm IDK meeting cool awesome people is a good idea, actually besides that, his sense of humor as well)
dave randolph (another genius, just wish to pick his brain)
cady mcclain (God do I love this woman!)
vanessa lengies (IDK something about this woman! been saying this since American Dreams, and well every time I see her she sends sparks through me)
tony danza (have always loved this man, IDK if said love is misplaced though, I suppose meeting him would be the only way to find out)
natalie portman (DUH!)
]]>1. Veronica Belmont (absolute perfection!)
2. Alison Haislip (almost absolute perfection, off by 1%)
3. Cali Lewis
4. Katy Perry (holy moly batman! =)
5. Stephanie Chu (I feel bad putting her on the list b/c this is kind of a perverted blog post, and I really respect this woman, also sorry she is not higher on the list, but yea. She is such a sweetheart, I feel so damn bad, OH well, all my lists must remain true)
6. Kaley Cuoco (although she should be banned from this list seeing as how I believe she has implants)
7. (Silly) Evangeline Lilly
8. Jessica Alba
9. Rachel McAdams
10. Blake Lively (a little on the big side for boobs, but great shape and some of the best cleavage in the world)
]]>
1. Nelly - Country Grammar (I doubt anything will ever come close)
2. Kanye West - Through The Wire
3. DMX - X Gon Give It To Ya
4. Kanye West - Jesus walks
5. Fabolous - Breathe
6. Big Boi - I'm On It
7. Jay-Z - 99 Problems
8. Nelly - Air Force Ones
9. Eminem - Superman
10. Nelly - Ride With Me
11. Ja Rule ft Ashanti - Always On Time
12. Eve - Let me blow your mind
13. Terror Squad - Take Me Home
14. Ludacris - Stand Up
15. Jay-Z - Can I Get A Fuck You
16. Eminem - Guilty Conscience
17. T.I feat. Kanye West, Jay-Z & Lil Wayne - Swagga Like Us
18. Eminem - Real Slim Shady
19. Twista ft Kanye West & Jamie Foxx - Slow Jamz
20. Ja Rule - Livin' It Up
21. DMX - Party up
22. Dr. Dre ft Eminem - Forgot About Dre
23. Kanye West ft T - Pain- Good Life
24. Eminem - Lose Yourself
25. Busta Rhymes ft Lloyd Banks, Papoose, DMX, Mary J. Blige, Rah Digga, & Missy Elliott - Touch It (Remix)
26. Ludacris - Rollout aka My Business
27. Cassidy - I'm a Hustla
28. Kanye West - All Falls Down (I'm so self conscience, that's why you always see me with at least 1 of my watches =)
29. Jay-Z - Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)
30. LLoyd Banks ft 50 Cent - Porno Star
31. Kanye West ft Jay-Z - Diamonds From Sierra Leone
32. Nas - Revolutionary Warfare
33. DMX - The Rain
34. Ja Rule - Furious
35. Jay-Z ft Rihanna & Kanye West - Run This Town
36. Drake ft Kanye West, Eminem & Lil Wayne - Forever
37. LeCrea ft Trip Lee - Jesus Muzik
38. Chamillionaire ft Krayzie Bone - Ridin' Dirty
39. Trick Daddy ft Lil Jon - Let's Go
40. T.I - A.S.A.P
41. T.I - What You Know
42. T.I - Dead and Gone
43. T.I ft Rihanna - Life Your life
44. Lil Jon ft Ying Yang Twins - Get Low
45. Flo Rida - Get Low
46. P.Diddy - Bad Boys For Life
47. Chris Brown ft Lil Wayne - I Can Transfom Ya
48. Lil Scrappy - No Problem
49. 50 Cent ft Snoop Dogg - P.I.M.P
50. Ja Rule - Holla Holla
51. Lil Jon ft Lil Scrappy - What You Gon Do
52. Jay-Z - Big Pimpin'
53. Ludacris - What's Your Fantasy
54. Ludacris ft Field Mob - Georgia (would be in my top 30 if not 15 if not for the annoying fucking word Georgia repeating 4000x in the background)
55. Fabolous - Yo Can't Deny It
56. Ludacris ft LL Cool J & Kieth Murray - Fatty Girl
57. Trick Daddy - I'm a Thug
58. Usher ft Lil Jon & Ludacris - Yeah
59. Pitbull - Dammit Man
60. Kanye West ft Lupe Fiasco - Touch The Sky
]]>With computers I have some leg room, but not much, and only slightly more with a higher education. That said with biology or my distant third passion psychology, it would be really hard to move anywhere in those fields without a lot more higher education =/.
It's at this point in my life that I regret not really focusing in on any sports, if I could get my asthma under control, I believe their are several sports I could have been incredible in, but my guess is it is too late for all of that now. So I have something with computers, or somehow breaking out of my many, many, many hard shells and getting a shot at becoming an actor, otherwise I may just be screwed. I do not have many talents, and the ones I do have, well 40% of them involve a bed, and I do not wish to be a porn star, so LMAO =D
Athletes have it made, especially none Olympic athletes who get paid based on their name, and not entirely their skill, meaning Derek Jeter can be signed for a 22 million dollar contract, and they have to pay him that whether he hits the damn ball or not for that entire year. Which I find to be bullshit, but whatever.
Olympic athletes have to not only make a name for themselves, but maintain it, b/c a sponsor (which is how they make most their money) can drop them like a fly if they suck, but w/e most these Olympians are made for life as well.
The real question is, at what point does society (or just my father, haha) look past the fact you do not have a college education, and see you as a success. And is it based on the salary you have made for yourself, or other factors as well?
Maybe it is better to have not made any money, barely be making enough to sustain yourself, but maybe you have sacrificed your life to help hundreds or thousands or millions of people across the world. Would society not view you as successful then? and would they look past the fact I did not complete college?
I think how most the world gets caught up on the whole must complete college thing is bullshit, the world is changing and is not working how it used to. College is not the be all, end all, it's just so hard when you have society as a whole, but especially your parents (or parent) believing so strongly that it is the be all, end all.
Too me college education while still important to me, is not as important as getting a career that makes me happy, where I look forward to go to work every day with a huge smile on my face.
Making a lot of money, enough to support myself and family, and treat them and myself to the luxuries of life, as well as give back to those less fortunate is what is most important, and IDC how I get there, as long as I get there, and to me college isn't necessary in most the paths, and well I wish it wasn't necessary for all the paths, and maybe one day it will not be.
Certain jobs should always require a high college degree, teaching being one of them, for most subjects. That said as for most other jobs, it should all be skill based, and I do not think the employer should even look at the academic history of the person they are looking to hire.
I could go on forever about this (shocking right, haha), but to sum this all up, I will just say I think it is BULLSHIT (that's putting it kindly) that in many ways, in many cases, I am unable to be successful for 2 reasons. The fact I do not have money to get any of my ideas started and off the ground (yea a few work arounds for that, but let's leave those out of the equation for now)
and the fact that I am surrounded by a TON of people that will never, ever let me live down not graduating from college with at least a bachelors degree. And that shit is doing so much additional damage to me, and holding me back so much further than I should be, but no-one could ever understand that, especially the people who are pushing so hard for my "success" in their eyes.
If they just let me go for my success in my eyes years back, instead of pushing me towards shit I can't do for multiple reasons, and shit that literally has almost killed me multiple times (me and school of any sort do not mix well, and we'll leave it at that). Then who the fuck knows where I would be right now, definitely no-where near the bullshit life I am living right now. That said of course not everything wrong in my life can be blamed on others, but honestly about 80% of it easily can! =/
]]>not enough human interaction on demand for my liking in this world! I honestly think something is just wrong or broken somehow in the world! and shockingly enough, for the most part when I say human interaction, I kind of don't mean online
the closest I can get to what I am really looking for online is intense AIM chats, or skype talks, especially with video, but that shit doesn't even hit the mark of what I am talking about
both sexually and non sexually
I say on demand, b/c well I want it on demand, 1 meeting I wish to be alone, the next minute I wish to be surrounded by 1 or more awesome peoples
I am going insane here, not all the time, but times like this, I am starved for human interaction, and sure you can say get some friends, but the friends I had I didn't want (in fact more than half of them I killed), and IDK I just can't find anyone that works long term
but even if I did have 1 or more people now, none of them would be down to do w/e the fuck I decided to do at this moment in time, b/c #1 I am random, and #2 the current time it is
no-one fucking runs on my schedule
damn this life is annoying
but well actually it is not entirely the world's fault, I did find someone pretty damn awesome IRL (well online is real life too, but yea, I think you know what I mean, not online)
but I am such a fucktard, that well I screwed that up already, I somehow manage to screw everything up without even trying (and maybe the keywords there are "not even trying") maybe while not trying to screw anything up, I am just also not trying to do anything, which would be a fair statement I guess
but whether it is a friendship or a romantic relationship, the whole point is not to fuck anything up
but honestly shit shouldn't be this hard/difficult to make relationships
granted non of my relationships have lasted except w/ a few of my online friends (some of who I would never label as just an online friend, but actually as my best friend, such as Kate)
but when I was younger, up until about hmm 7th grade, maybe 8th grade
shit just happened, seemed I didn't have to do anything to make friends, and well at that time I didn't have to do anything to get a girlfriend either, it all sort of just happened
granted again these relationships were super solid, but it was something, they all served their purposes, and I was out almost every fucking day of the week doing something, and not just something, but something fun
but even worse is it was with people I could say anything too, and I think that is what I miss the most, even though they were all fucktards/assholes, people like Julia and Jordan (and lesser level Nick and Stephen), and then of course I could go way back to Lake Ronkonkoma, but hell that is too depressing
but going back to just those 4 people, even though I guess only those people would I consider friends, you have a group of about 30 people that stem out from them that while you would not consider them to be you friend, you still hanged out with them, and for the most part felt comfortable with, and I miss that shit too
but whether in a romantic relationship or just a friendship, I can't stress how important I think it is that you can say whatever to that person and not have them judge you, and better yet get feedback on that thought
I only get that with 1 and a half people in my life right now, and well the 1 person is all the ways in the fucking UK, but still thank God I have her
as for the half, well I won't say who that is, but I guess my mom and sister are halves too, but at this point they don't count for much, sadly even my mother doesn't get it or me anymore
I honestly don't know what I am looking for or if it can be found, I am just confused by the fact that I have had it so many times before in my years past, and I didn't have to do shit to get it
now not only to I feel like I have to work hard for it, but I have no idea where to begin and what exactly I am working for
not to me a conceited fucktard, but honestly it is like a crime someone as awesome as me does not have like 100 friends IRL, and no I am not joking, and if you knew me to my core, such a statement would not offend you and put a bad taste in your mouth
in fact on Facebook I have 1 to 2 people agreeing with that statement, and sadly another person about 2000 miles away is not on my Facebook who would also agree, but that story (and no not fucking Karina, haha) is just a crazy ass story to go into so I won't. Crazy b/c of who she is and what she does and believes, even crazier for how we get along.
anyway I would also hope that people that don't know me anymore, but did know me pretty damn well, most to my core, some almost to my core, would agree with that statement too (and boy would I just love to name names here, b/c well IDK, but those names would shock some people) but let me just throw some shock into there and put basically my entire family on there, on both my mom and dad's side. Now my mom's side of the family I rarely see, so whatever that's fine, not their fault. As for my dad's side of the family, the reality is absolutely none of them have any idea who I really am, especially to the level/degree I speak of when I say know me to my core. Besides maybe my grandmother, and that is a HUGE maybe, only 1 person came extremely close to knowing me to my core in my family, but that has all been blown to bits to such an extreme degree, that now that person probably knows me almost the least of most of the people in my family.
Who knows me the best is kind of strange, but easily it would be my aunt Lisa and my cousin Jon, and even they are still many miles away from knowing all of me
but anyway, where was I?
again IDK how much I am to blame here, and I am certainly not denying I can't be blamed for some of this, in fact outside of my family as far as relationships go, I know there is something wrong that is due to me b/c of this upsetting/disturbing true fact
even when a girl were to fall magically in the sky into my life and well let's leave it at that, IDK what to do about it, the funny thing is in my head I know exactly what to do, every fucking single step of the way, every single detail for everything as far as dating goes, and everything (*cough aka the fun stuff cough*) that goes with dating, believe me I know it all
but when it comes to actually doing or saying anything, you might as well be trying to be dating a fucking pillow, I just can't do anything, so of course that is my fault, but IDK I just want more, which is bad on my part, but literally and maybe it is b/c I am used to it from my last relationship, but just fucking tell me what to do
honestly that works for me, b/c that breaks tons of barriers and walls down pretty quickly, and well while Julia wore the pants in our relationship in the beginning, she certainly was not wearing them in the end, and well for the most part I am OK with that entire setup
I just want to be the puppet, and you the puppeteer, not like in a weird kinky fucked up way, but honestly with the state I am in now, and have been for who knows how long now, I do not think there is any other way
that said I still face the same problem with just normal friendships, and while I may get lucky again and find a girl who is like that, I most certainly will not find 1 or more (and more would be ideal) just cool people I do not wish to date/fuck (haha) to work/act that way as well
and well I am just crippled when it comes to doing anything, making the move, doing all the steps it takes to build and maintain a relationship of any sort, although clearly when dealing with a girl I wish to date it is about 3x worse, but still
it just is seriously like I am being deprived of oxygen, here I am starving for human interaction, but apparently I can not properly interact with fucking humans
why you might ask, well IDK I am still trying to figure that out, and clearly I wasn't always like this, and well I know the first thought to come to mind is too much time on the computer, and talking on the computer, and you forgot how to talk to people IRL. Well I am sure there is some validity to that statement, but honestly to the point I am at, there's no way that did all this damage.
As said earlier this problem is so fucking bad that I know it is a disorder/medical condition, and well I do have social anxiety, but again I have to think this is something more
as I sit here writing this, I am almost literally gasping for air b/c I feel part of me dying b/c I am not around people right now, sounds insane I know, but it is true
and of course not just any people would do the trick, but I guess that is a given and besides the point, but I did need to say it
finally I just want to bitch about something I really got into in some older blogs of mine, but never enough, which is that is is beyond unfair that I have met 2 and a half people online that I feel so fucking unbelievably comfortable with it is not even funny, and that I would hang out with every day if they lived near me. My point is, well IDK maybe I do not have a point, just upset that people that awesome do not live near me, WHY!? why the fuck can't I meet people like that near me? If your name starts with A and you are actually reading this, b4 you ask, I do not speak of you here, you my friend confuse me and tear me apart, but it is not your fault, and sadly IDK why, but I am just not comfortable enough with you, so this time I do not speak of you, but you are still unbelievably fucking awesome and amazing!
ok so in my life right now there are 2 major issues, the blog below this I listed only 1, and well this blog right here kind of went into a little bit more detail and covered the one mentioned there. Well I lied b/c there are 2 problems, and in part 2 of this, if I even decide to write it, b/c let's face it, people are assholes, mean rotten fucking assholes, and those people include people I consider to be friends and well it also includes my sister who has something to say about everything.
PEACE!
]]>1. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (Play It)
2. Happy Days (Play It)
3. Full House (Play It)
4. Degrassi T.N.G (Play It)
5. 7th Heaven (Play It)
6. The O.C (Play It)
7. Law & Order (Play It, top 20 best musical compositions ever IMO, despite being short)
8. I Dream of Jeannie (Play It)
9. Big Bang Theory (Play It)
10. All in The Family (Play It, as annoying as the woman is, this is just a classic)
11. Medium (Play It)
12. Daria (Play It, haha so good)
13. As Told By Ginger (Play It)
14. Greatest American Hero (Play It)
15. All My Children (Play It)
16. Charles in Charge (Play It)
17. Mary Tyler Moore (Play It)
18. S Club 7 (Play It, the TV show of course, song title Reach)
19. Tru Calling (Play It)
20. Bewitched (Play It, now if the video was to be included, this would be in my top 5, I love the opening!)
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